Psalm 33:18-22
I miss Nate. Terribly.
More excerpts from Shattered Dreams - Larry Crabb
"Although I'm grateful for all the blessings I still have and although I deeply value the wonderful support of family and friends, nothing has the power to touch me where I most keenly hurt, especially at four in the morning. At those times all I can do is turn to God. ...But when I do, when I cry out, 'God, I need You; where are You? I don't always find Him. In fact, I never do, not the way I thought I would." (told by a friend of Larry Crabb who lost her husband)
Until we realize how badly we need God, how empty we are without Him, we can sing "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" without worrying about whether God really shows up.
We're forced to draw an unpleasant and disturbing conclusion: When the pain of shattered dreams helps us discover our desire for God, God seems to disappear. Or at least His absence becomes obvious. And then we feel our desire for God as throbbing agony. We discover how badly we long to know Him.
But it's in the pain that we discover our desire for God, and it's in the frustration of that desire that we come to realize how sturdy it is. We face the truth that there is no other answer. To whom else shall we go? Moving toward anything we might desire is idolatry and foolishness. Only God has the life our souls desperately need. We come to really believe that.
So we abandon ourselves to Him. And we wait. Any experience of His presence is given as a sovereign mercy. There is no formula for making it happen.
Now we rest, an agitated rest that includes the agony of frustration (and the agony of sadness, confusion and loneliness), but still we rest. And we learn to say, "God, whoever You are, whatever You do, that is all I want. I demand nothing. I will wait for You."
23 comments:
Rosanna, I love you and miss you. I can't begin to explain how much I cherish reading your blog and knowing that each morning, through Christ, you are able to get out of bed and attempt to breathe. I'm praying for you often and I think of you daily. I miss you dearest.
Love you!!! and miss you!
Can't wait to see you, even if its only for a bit, I changed my flight and when we return from Mexico I am actually staying until Tuesday afternoon instead of flying Sunday!
Miss you so much and want to hug you!
When you post pictures of Nate I have to remind myself that he's really gone and that those are old pictures. I still can't believe that it was God's plan to take him. That God needed him more than his family and friends.
I am glad you have found some comfort in that book. That you can be honest with your deepest feelings and hurts. Keep being real with us. We will keep holding you up in prayer.
"And we learn to say, "God, whoever You are, whatever You do, that is all I want. I demand nothing. I will wait for You."
What a difficult, heart wrenching lesson.
Thank you for sharing this. There is such truth in the fact that we don't realize how much we need God until we experience pain - and then he seems far away. And it takes so much strength to keep clinging to the promises we know are true.
The words you share and the strength you show on this blog are so inspirational...even sacred. As you choose to cling to the promises, I will pray for strength for you to do so.
Love you.
I miss Nate for you. I missed seeing him at the hospital the other night. "I demand nothing. I will wait for You." That's an incredible statement - how can you not demand things from God? Demand that he bring Nate back, demand that he give you freedom from the loneliness, frustration, agony that you're going through. My prayer is that this rings true for you - that you can wait and trust in who God is. I love you Rosanna.
As you wait, we wait with you. We're praying. Love Lynette
Rosanna I continue to pray for you. You are loved!
A. Lori
I love you sweetheart, love you so much. SO MUCH!!!!!!!
Only God can fully understand what you are feeling, only God can hold you close enough for you to feel fully comforted and safe, and only God can fill you & cover you with the FAITHFUL, everlasting, healing LOVE that you need in the moments when you can't breathe because you miss Nate so much. I pray so much that He will continue to be all of these things to you as you keep on this journey that He has (for some reason) chosen for you...Big Hugs.
Sending a big hug your way, Mary. I love you and miss you.
We love you so much, Rosanna!
Thinking of you with much love.
love you Rosanna.
Precious friend - I will continue to uplift you in prayer.
Rosanna, I think about you everyday and wonder how you are doing. Keep praying for you in these hard times. luv Tammy
I love you Sweet thing. Or as Katie would say "I don't like it, I LOVE it!!!" That's how I feel about you.
Love you Rosanna! Your words are powerful. I can't comprehend the hurt, but I wait with you.
I love you.
~Rox
Thinking of you today, soaking up the sunshine :)
Hi Rosanna, querida amiga! We are so excited to see you in just a few short days! We await your visit con brazos abiertos!
Love,
Joan, Trever and Kenia
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