For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.
Zephaniah 3:17


I have questioned God's presence from the moment the accident happened. The confusion and emotions continue to wrestle with the truths I have known my whole life. The seeming contradictions are painful. He is mighty to save, but He didn't save. He delights in giving us the desires of our hearts, my heart is broken. He is our refuge and strength, yet I feel vulnerable and weak. He is peace, but fear and insecurities abound. So confusing. So unsettling. And I find myself wondering if God even knows.

These last weeks I have been more intentional in talking with God about His promised presence. I thought about the aspects of this valley that seem to hold true to God's promises. The peace and refuge of this 'home', despite its aching emptiness. The close and constant company of my families (both of them) and friends, despite the hated incompleteness. The gentle embrace of words and songs; although often tear inducing, I am so desperate for their truth. And mostly, the unsuspected strength, and ultimately grace, to make it from the beginning of another day, all the way to the end. My battling heart does feel His presence. Regardless of the turmoil, God is near. His presence is undeniable.


Henri Nouwen - Turn My Mourning Into Dancing

"No, hope does not come from positive predictions about the state of the world, anymore than does faith. Nor does hope depend on the ups and downs of our life's particulars. Hope rather has to do with God. We have hope and joy in our faith because we believe that, while the world in which we live is shrouded in darkness, God has overcome the world. 'In the world,' said Jesus, 'you face persecution. But take courage; I have conquered the world!' (John 16:33) We follow One who is not limited or defeated by the world's sufferings. Hope does not mean that we will avoid or be able to ignore suffering, of course. The surprise we experience in hope, then, is not that, unexpectedly, things turn out better than expected. For even when they do not, we can still live with a keen hope. The basis of our hope has to do with the One who is stronger than life and suffering. Faith opens us up to God's sustaining, healing presence."