I am spending this week in Elkhart, Indiana with my sister Charlotte, brother-in-law Tim and sweet little Myra.


He has been over the trail first,
...the Everlasting Arms are always underneath us,
the everlasting love always surrounds us.
-Elisabeth Elliot

I have been thinking about the phrase, "God will never give you more than you can handle". More than I can handle? I don't think this is true. I cannot handle this. The emptiness beside me. The unfulfilled longing. The constant ache. The unpredictable tears. The hurt and confusion. The 'new' presence of fear. Life moving forward. A path I would never choose. I cannot handle this.


"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

"I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart..." Isaiah 40:11

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed..." Isaiah 54:10

He has promised. He promises. Promises to hold my hand as I walk. Promises to carry me close to His heart. He promises His peace which surpasses my understanding. His love for me has not been shaken or removed.

"To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence... to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord." Jude 25:24 & 25

I cannot handle this but HE is able. Able to be our strength, our sustainer, our peace, our comforter, our healer, and our hope.


Beyond the sky - Fernando Ortega

One morning when time is done
Bright heaven will be our refuge
The city of God most high

I long for that holy day
This longing sometimes it captures my heart
And carries me far away

When darkness falls over me
This promise it's like a fire inside
Burning the dark away

Beyond the sky, beyond all telling
Our Father himself will be our light
His arms will hold us and with his hands
He'll wipe away the tears
That stain our eyes

Welcome here Ethan Andrew Loewen.


Dr. Jim Conway, speaking of the death of his wife, says, "When Sally died, it was as if someone took a giant samurai sword and just cut me right down the middle. I kept asking myself and God, 'How am I supposed to go on with one leg, with one arm, with half a brain? How am I supposed to do all of this?"

... holding my hand as I journey home.
This is the way, come and walk in it.

Keep me faithful Lord.

Well With my Soul - Brenton Brown/Daniel Ornellas

Sometimes it's hard, sometimes I cry
Sometimes my heart wants to know why?
But Your yoke is easy and Your burden is light
And though my heart is aching
And there're tears in my eyes

Whatever my lot, You have taught me to know
It is well, it is well with my soul

You have reached down to me, You have rescued me
And have shed Your blood for my soul
And I live now knowing that the sky
And not the grave will be my goal
And just as in life, also in death
This truth will comfort and console
That soon I will see Your face
And hear Your voice and know that it is well

But please hold my hand, Lord, and hold on tight
'Cause the road here is narrow
Yes, the road here is narrow

By day the Lord directs His love,
At night His song is with me -
A prayer to the God of my life.
Psalm 42:8

For the Journey - Steve Bell

In my heart there's
A sadness building up
And every turn adds to the cup
As the losses match
The measure of my gains
In the shadow of this curse
Where the best implies the worst
If you're like me you need to hear somebody pray...

May the Lord bless and keep you
May His face shine upon you
May His graciousness
Be like the endless stream
May the Lord show His favour
To your house and your neighbour
Until the last remaining
Strains of striving cease
May He grant you peace

I awake with a heavy and desperate heart. I pray using David's words in Psalm 143 -

O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.

The enemy pursues me, he crushed me to the ground; ...so my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.

I read a devotional by Elisabeth Elliot and choose to hold onto the promise that, "My grace is sufficient" -

Someone asked last week, "When Jim died was your walk with the Lord close enough that His love and comfort and presence were sufficient at all times--or did grief and sorrow at times overtake and overwhelm you?"

My answer is yes to both questions. It is not an either-or matter. The psalmist, overwhelmed, prayed, "Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I" (Ps 61:2 AV).

Paul, plagued by a thorn, besought the Lord three times to remove it.

Jesus, "horror-stricken and desperately depressed," prayed "O My Father--if it be possible..." (Mk 14:34,36).

Of none of these--the psalmist, the apostle, the Lord--could it be said that his walk with God was not close enough. There was human suffering and divine sufficiency.

This is the story of our life. The promise is "My grace is sufficient" (2 Cor 12:9 AV), not "My grace will abolish your thorns."

"May your unfailing love come to me, O Lord, your salvation according to your promise; ... for I trust in your word. Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." Psalm 119


"The Love that calls us into being, woos us to Himself, makes us His bride, lays down His life for us, and daily crowns us with lovingkindness and tender mercy, will not, no matter how it may appear in our loneliness, abandon us. 'I will never [the Greek has five different negatives here], never, never, never, never leave you nor forsake you.' (See Hebrew 13:5)"
- Elisabeth Elliot (lost her first husband after two years of marriage and her second husband 15 years later to cancer)

Your Love Will Find Me - Brian Doerksen & Steve Mitchinson

Every moment You are near
In every step, through every fear
There is nowhere I can go to be without You
You're everywhere

Looking to the heavens You're there
And in the dark depths of despair
Even there Your love will find me

Knowing that I'm never alone
Even if Your hand takes my home
To the other side of the sea
Your love will find me

"If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." Psalm 139

I miss Nate. I ache for his presence.


With tears of confusion and hurt I looked straight into my dad's eyes the other night and asked him if he thought Jesus loves me. Because how I understood His love was by the way He knew me - and knew what I needed. Doesn't He know I need Nate?

My dad's response was that, "Yes, Jesus does love you, very much". He qouted a part of John 3:16 that says, 'For God so loved the world...'
"That includes you Rosanna". That includes me. A verse I've known by heart...

Yesterday I sat by Nate's grave and among other questions and tears I asked God, do you love me? Do you love me? The lyrics of a song from the slideshow came into my mind and I started singing them -

I'll see you when I get there, when my life is through. Will you take me to Jesus' feet? Hand in hand we'll sing...

Then I stopped and said aloud, I get to see Nate again. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me because He has made a way for me to see Nate again.

John 3:16 says, For God so loved the world - that He gave His only son that whoever believes in Him will not die but have ETERNAL LIFE.

Because Nate believed and I believe in Jesus and that His death paid the penalty of sin, our final destination is the exact same place. We will live eternally in the presence of our Creator. The tears, confusion and longing that consume these days will not last forever. Long before I ever met Nate and loved him, long before my heart knew sorrow, God had a plan. Yes, Jesus loves me. 'For God so loved the world...'